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Tag: sexuality

Things I would tell my 20 year old self if I saw him

I’m a big proponent of  always moving forward and learn from your past mistakes. I think making mistakes is crucial in developing as a sensible citizen in our society. Mistakes make us strive for the better and can sometimes boost our drive to achieve our goals. I just recently turned 27 and there are a lot of things I would love to tell an early version of myself if I ever got to saw him.

1. START YOUR PRACTICE OF MEDITATION EARLY! – Meditation was always on my mind ever since I was in college. The thing is, I never made time for it. Meditation has had a big impact on my life because it allows me to train my mind to think in the moment and to be conscientious of everything and everyone around me. It allows me to learn how to be calm under stressful situation and it helps me become more motivated and focused on all of my tasks. Currently, I am still meditating for only a couple minutes a day and I feel like if I had instilled this practice earlier in life, I would be much better at the practice today and more calm than I could even imagine.

2. WAKE UP AT 5 AM NO MATTER WHAT – Yes. This is a harsh one for a college student but again it is another habit I would have loved to train when I was younger. Waking up at 5 AM allows for more productivity to happen. I’m more focused on my work and the goals I needed to get done that day. Although I feel like putting 5 AM call time on a college student is insane, I think that I would have reaped the benefits by up to this point. I still struggle with waking up early and not feeling rested but the days I do feel rested and woke up early, I find myself in such a fast paced and ambitious mindset and get a lot done.

3. BE MORE PROMISCUOUS – Okay, this one might be controversial only because it involves sex and the idea of using your body more. As a gay man, I found myself really isolated from the gay community when I was younger. Even though I came out when I was 18, it was not until I moved to Hollywood in my mid 20s that I found myself learning to interact with others who share the same sexual desires as I did. I also was a stickler in terms of sex and was not willing to give my virginity up to anyone just for the heck of it. Looking back, I think this is still a great rule to follow but I did have flirtatious experiences that could have led to a more intimate setting and I wish I took advantage of it. I think learning about yourself sexually is a very valuable experience for when you get older. Don’t care what people say about you and your life. Live how you want and if you are open about your sexuality then more power to you.

4. READ, READ, READ – GAHHHH I can’t stress this one enough. Even though I feel like I am someone who is on top of his game in terms of organizations and responsibilities and very dependable, I sometimes lack the communication skills necessary to succeed in the work environment. I find myself stumbling over words consistently and not interpreting e-mails in the correct manner. I find this has a lot to do with my reading skills, which I consider poor. I would tell my younger self to read for at least 30 minutes every single day in order to widen their vocabulary database and improve their writing skills. I think reading does an effective job of putting thoughts together and make it coherent. I feel like I would be a much better writer today if I had started reading more frequently in the past.

5. PUT ASIDE $50 EVERY WEEK – Yes..Savings. This is something I fail to do for most of my life. I always feel like I am in a bind but the more I have been saving these past few weeks, the more I realized that I base my budget on not having that $50 and I still am surviving. I think this is crucial because everyone should have a savings of some sort in their life and to be better off in the future. Fortunately for me I have not run into any severe difficulties but one can never predict what may happen. Especially for me working in the entertainment industry, you never know what will happen to you career wise so it’s best to be prepared.

Alas, these 5 tips are things I wish I can tell my younger self if I were to see him. I wonder what I would be like if I was more active in the above habits. Nonetheless, I can’t reiterate how important it is to think in the moment and forget what you could have done. Start instilling these habits now!!! We are still young and there is still so much more life in the future. By the time I hit age 34, I don’t want to see myself saying I wish I started these practices when I was 27!

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What I’m Giving Up for Lent

Let me preface by saying I was not raised a Catholic. But over the past few years, I’ve been interested in the religion and the messages that it has brought. I would be considered a non-practicing Buddhist, going to temples from time to time and I find the spirituality of Buddhism refreshing. The teachings of Catholicism however has been really inspiring and I’m on a journey to seek out more information about the faith and their practices, partaking in many of the things that Catholics do.

One of these things is Lent. I have never sacrificed anything for a long period of time before and I find it mesmerizing that so many people during this time period are willing to give up something in the name of religion. It’s truly remarkable that one’s faith can surpass one’s addiction, habits, and routine behaviors. That said, this year, I want to give up something as well and it’s a little bit embarrassing to admit what it is. In fact, I don’t even know if its professional to write and/or admit this. My interpretation of lent is that you are supposed to give up something that is really difficult for you give up and that it teaches you to control your urges, your desires, all in the name for what Jesus himself has sacrificed.

I’ll begin by saying that I believe in the notion that men and women has urges, desires, and they needs different ways to release those urges. What I’m giving up is something that stimulates my urges and desires and is a medium I use, let’s say, to assist me. I’m talking about pornography. There’s a lot of taboo that surrounds this visual art and it’s something a lot of people do not feel comfortable talking about. My personal take on it is, what you watch and do in your private household, should be yours and yours alone (granted that it is legal). I don’t think there is anything wrong with men or women watching pornography and using that as a way to enhance their sex life. To a degree, I find it quite informative in terms of building sexual knowledge and allowing for more fun in the bedroom. However the issue with pornography lies in the fact that so many people rely on it too heavily and this results in a lack of intimacy between partners or may even create sexual frustration in those who don’t have sex as often. In addition, pornography provides a false reality to its observers and in effect can create envy, jealousy, and even perhaps a sense of inadequacy.

I admit that from time to time I have experienced all of these emotions and fault pornography. But is it really pornography’s fault or is it because an individual’s self esteem isn’t strong enough? I think everyone should be confident and proud of who they are and happy about their life and everything will fall in place as a result. However, I think watching pornography consistently derails people’s ability to think in a positive manner and that is why, like everything else in life, be seen or taken in moderation. That said, I want to give up pornography during this period of Lent, not only to experience the personal sense of sacrifice I am making for a religion, but to also see the impact it could have on my self esteem, behavior, sexuality, and in general, life.

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