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Being in a Slump & How I’m Trying to Get Out

I’m in a slump. I feel like we’ve all been in this position at some point in our life. I feel empty, useless, stagnant, and anxious that things are not going fast enough in the direction that I would like. All of the concerns I have is giving me anxiety so I felt like the best way to get my thoughts together is to write them down and share them with my readers. My issues are varied and abundant and I tend to drift my focus on one problem and then suddenly change my focus to another problem. I need to be more patient and find ways to tackle all of these problems before things become even MORE overwhelming.

MONEY/DEBT – I always thought I be so good at managing my finances. However I financed my college education by myself and used credit cards to cover any expenses that my student loans were not able to cover. I moved to Los Angeles which is one of the most expensive cities to live in and made the dumb decision to buy a brand new-used car, adding to my loan burden. I incurred health issues over the last few years that racked up some health debt and I have some personal family loans that need to be repaid as well. In total I have about $5000 in credit card debt and $35,000 in car loan/student loan/health/personal debt. I’m 26 and I have 40k that I need to owe back and the thought of that really stresses me out.

I was taught growing up to make sure I invest in a Roth IRA and I know its one of the smartest things to do. I know that if my company offered a 401k that it is extremely advantageous to participate and contribute. Working in the entertainment industry however, I do not have the luxury that corporate companies do to participate in the 401k and I do not have the salary or the means to contribute to my Roth IRA due to living expenses and paying off my debt.

–>my attempt at a solution: I do my best to budget. I use a program called YNAB (You Need A Budget) and use that to give me an advantage and control over my spendings. But seeing the big numbers constantly pop up and not feeling like a dent is being made makes me really anxious. I want to contribute to my retirement as soon as I can but right now it’s not feasible until a few years from now. I’m more conscious of not giving in to any temptations that may come my way and be more frugal. A risky side venture that I’ve been contemplating is building a poker bankroll to hope to use that a side income (since I consider myself skilled in the game) but gambling is always frowned upon and I know better. Because of my impatience, it’s been a constant path in my mind that I want to venture on but ultimately know it is unwise.

CAREER –  I’ve been working in the entertainment industry for about 3 years now. I’m finally hitting that wall where I feel that this is probably not the right industry for me. Most people would crave my position. I mean, how often does one get to be within inches of Will Smith and other A-list celebrities! However, with me, I hate being bored and that’s what I feel right now. I’m bored at work. I feel like although my job is incredibly important and necessary, I don’t feel like I’m having any real impact on society. I don’t have a long term firm grasp on my career goals and that’s been bothering. I know what I like and what my hobbies are but whether to do it long term is an entirely different matter. A few of the things I’ve been thinking strongly about is to become a teacher; entrepreneur; team building outreach coordinator; nurse; Peace Corps/overseas employee. I know I have the world ahead of me and that I’m so young but I’ve been reading so many books that really asks the individual to narrow their career and focus on moving up in that career.

–> my attempt at a solution: My main career transition is to become a teacher. I’ve been researching various programs overseas to become an ESL teacher to foreign nations. However there is a lot of requirements/testing that is mandatory to become qualified. As of now, I’m enrolling at an online university called WGU (Western Governors University) to get my masters in education. The trouble I’m running into right now is that WGU requires a lot of prerequisites that I have not accomplished yet and thus am forced to spend even more money, in addition to WGU’s tuition, to get into the school initially. That has been a burden on me and contributes to the Money/Debt issue from above. Until I get my masters and my teaching credential, I feel like I can’t take the step to change my career and my boredom and can’t fulfill my desire to travel. And I feel like I can’t leave the entertainment industry because I need this stable job in order to pay for my online education in order to change my career. But, I at least have a road map and I am very happy about that.

LOVE/RELATIONSHIPS – Ahhh what a taboo topic for me. Love/Relationships/Intimacy/Sex is something I rarely discuss openly. I consider myself very late to the game and inexperienced in forming a relationship. I’m not a virgin but I’ve never been in a long-term or even short-term relationship or any sorts yet. Being 26, is that too late? Funny thing is, a lot of my friends gives me a boost of confidence by telling me my positive qualities and they are confused why I am not with someone yet and that in term confuses me as well. Perhaps I give off too much of an intimidating personality where people find me unapproachable if they are interested in me. I do admit that I have a friendly demeanor and it is easy for me to get to know people and make friends and be social so I can see how I can be perceived in that fashion. This is one of those things that I’ve been desiring immensely; the companion aspect, especially since I want to start a family of my own one day.

–my attempt at a solution: Being more pro-active and putting myself out there. I’m going to start asking people out much more frequently, especially those I have taken an interest in. I think dealing with rejection takes experience and it still stings for me. I’m afraid of getting hurt and so I don’t ask people out much but since things aren’t falling into my lap, I am aware I need to be much more active. I’ve been on dating websites such as Match, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, and even apps like Grindr, but so far I haven’t had any luck with them. In fact, they kind of lower your morale and you feel dejected when you reach out to people on these sites/apps and there is no response. Regardless, I prefer a  more forward/face to face interaction anyways.

I’m sorry if I am burdening my readers with these concerns of mine. These are only a few of the things I’ve been thinking about. Other smaller problems include LIVING SITUATION (not roommate issue, more of a I’m bored in LA type of problem); FAMILY PROBLEMS; SOCIAL CONCERNS. Writing all of this down is really getting me to think a lot and being open with myself and is extremely therapeutic. I’m probably going to see a therapist to discuss my concerns with and just to have somebody listen (aside from my friends).

But thank you for reading and would love any input/advice anyone may have in order to accomplish my goals/come up with a solution much more easier.

Love you all.

Goals…What Are They Again???

My mind is constantly all over the place. I’m ambitious one moment, the next minute I get lazy. I want to accomplish something rather quickly at one point, then in an instant, I give up.
But my goals are generally the same but I never seem to really get them down on paper so I figure writing for the general public, for all to see, is a way to keep me in some sort of check.

Long-term goal:

*Start a family with 2-3 kids in a respectable neighborhood and retiring by 65.
*Establish a long-lasting and meaningful company/organization that gives back to the community in some way (charity, medical research)

Career Goals:

*Be a show runner / executive producer of a sketch comedy show/talk show or variety show
*Become a respected teacher (start teaching either in my 20s or start in my mid 40s)

Short Term Goals:

*Pay off all my credit card debt before I’m 27
*Run a marathon
*Learn to play the guitar
*Learn to do comedy/improv
*Work on Survivor in some capacity in the future.

Now it’s simply to figure out how the best way to achieve these goals. I’m currently en route to my career goal of being a show runner but I need to switch gears a little bit to get more perspective. I’ve only worked in production thus far and need to get onto the creative side of the industry before its too late.

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