Learning to Take Risks

Well, it seems like my pursuit of getting a teaching credential may soon be coming to an end. After experiencing a classroom of kindergarteners since January, I discovered that I may be heading towards the wrong field. As much as I love working with the students and seeing their progress throughout the years, I have to admit that my desire to get into the education field has subsided and I feel like I was entering it for the wrong reasons. I have to admit that a part of me is embarrassed by my lack of persistence into this field. I have been telling family members, friends and acquaintances of my eventual becoming of being a teacher for many years now. And to back out of that career may seem like I am quitting but I like to see it as I discovered what I do and do not want. I was getting so burnt out by the entertainment industry but when I got away from it for a little bit, it made me want to go back and I reclaimed the fire that I had lost so many years ago.

I had a true evaluation of myself and I found that the luxury of the teacher’s schedule, meaning the time they are physically in the classroom, was appealing. I found the summer hours off quite beneficial as well. But to say that you want to get into the field of education because of the schedule just feels wrong. There has to be an innate and strong desire to really put your passion into this occupation in order to succeed. I would feel like I would not do my job properly and it would just be utterly unfair to the kids.

Luckily for me, I chose a program that was on the inexpensive side. It was an online based course but I had to clock in observation hours at a local elementary school. To finish the program, it would have cost me $10,000 but because I only did one term, I shelled out $4,500. Granted that this was an investment in finding out that education was not for me, I like to say I am happy I took the risk and discovered something that had been lingering in my head for quite some time. The “What If” and my original desire to become a teacher no longer persists in my head. I think that is the joy of taking risks because you end up figuring out something new about yourself and whether you truly have the values you thought you had.

I realized that the main reason I wanted the schedule of a teacher (even though they clock in a LOT of out of classroom hours) was to pursue my passion in television and filmmaking. I wanted to use that flexibility I thought teachers had in order to make my own production company and to shoot a wide variety of videos, because I felt like I would have the time. FALSE. I realized that the job of a teacher is so draining during their 6 hour day that by the end of my observation days, I would want to just simply rest and not focus on anything else. I feel like if I had entered the profession, I would put my dream of being a producer or a director on the back burner and as a result, hurt my path to achieving my dreams.

This brings me to another risky venture I am now going to pursue. Instead of following my path to become a teacher, I’m going to put my money where my mouth is and start investing in making a production company. I have so far spent about $4500 in terms of setting up my studio filled with a professional camera, audio equipment, lighting and other essentials. I am reading about how to start a small business and getting inspired by a wide range of filmmaking books. Although this venture can be quite costly, it is a direction which I truly feel strongly about. I’ve always been hopeful to be in a position where I can have creative control in life and to be able to collaborate with other filmmakers to pursue art. The production company, starting out, would be focused on weddings, corporate videos and freelancing gigs that could earn some income, build its brand and their client base. Eventually, I hope that the production company can invest more into their short and long form narrative pieces of work and have more reputable clients.

Who knows for sure if my production company will succeed. I know I don’t. But the idea is that I am taking a risk right now into pursuing something I had been afraid of doing for 5-6 years now. It took me trying to get away from the entertainment industry and into a new field, to make me realize that I still love visual media. I hope that my risk taking will pay off and that I learn a lot throughout this start-up. But I know for a fact that taking a step towards your dream, is one of the best risks that one can take because it will show you how passionate you can become.

Daily Prompt – The Deathly Jump

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/06/18/daily-prompt-jump/

Date: 6/18/13
Prompt: WHAT’S THE BIGGEST RISK YOU’D LIKE TO TAKE – BUT HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO? WHAT WOULD HAVE TO HAPPEN TO MAKE YOU COMFORTABLE TAKING IT?

Answer: The thing that prevents me most from taking risks is my fear of death. I know that everyone fears the darkness that will eventually come to all of us but for me, it is a silent fear. There are days where I randomly think about death and it frightens me so much that it blocks me from thinking clearly. That being said, there are a lot of risky activities that I would love to partake in. Such examples are skydiving, bungee jumping, sliding down a huge pyramid and doing various stunts. I think I would like the adrenaline rush of the activities but my fear of height and anxiety of something going wrong prevents me from diving right into it.

There are also activities that doesn’t involve being up high such as swimming in an open ocean with friendly sharks or rock climbing that I get so tense about. I know that I shouldn’t be fearing these things and that if I want to do them, I should! But it’s a matter of trying to train my mind at this point to tell myself that it’s okay to have these feelings and that it will soon pass. I tell myself that I will get over this fear and I will eventually get over it.

I don’t have a clear vision on how to fully get myself comfortable yet but each day, I’m willing to do something that is outside of my comfort zone. As soon as I am comfortable with myself and enjoying the life that I am living, I feel as if death will come easier and that it shouldn’t be something we fear and that if the worse happens…it happens. So be it but to live your life in fear constantly and not enjoy it sounds so wrong to me. But yes…to skydive and to bungee jump and to scream at the top of my lungs as I’m falling from the sky with such an adrenaline rush.