One of the Most Wonderful Feelings in the World

There are a lot of emotions that we experience during our lifetime. There are those that make us angry and filled with rage. There are the emotions that make us feel sad and tearful. And then there are those that overwhelm us with joy and enthusiasm. All of these emotions come and go and we experience them at different stages in our lives. But I  am here to tell you of my own personal favorite feeling in the world and the one that I crave for so much and wish I had constantly; the feeling of being inspired.

Let me tell you a little bit about this feeling. If you have ever felt it, it is the sudden rush of wanting to do something that you feel passionate about. It is a level of excitement within you that causes you to drop whatever errands you have planned and just focus on what you are passionate about in that very moment. It is the feeling of adrenaline as you write and write and write, or read and read and read, whatever it is you have. You can’t stop and you continue to get one task done after the other and you still have that energy to do more, until your to do list is all gone. And then after you finish everything you had planned and are satisfied with the creative work in front of you, you sit back and are just amazed as to what you have accomplished in such a short time span. This is the feeling of inspiration and drive that I want to be constant in my life.

But of course, I don’t have this in my life all the time. There are days when I wake up and my mind just seems so foggy and I am so sluggish and I become so lazy. Don’t get me wrong, I am a passionate person as well as have a lot of ambitions but I fall victim to what many of us experience so often, procrastination and laziness. I do my best to search for that inkling of inspiration that I know that I have inside me but sometimes it does not come out. I would read books and listen to audio motivational tapes to trigger that rush and although it works at times, at other times it does not.

Do you know of techniques or ways to get you motivated to get things done? What are your methods? Do you listen to books on tape, music, or watch inspirational videos on YouTube? I would love to hear about your various ways and test them out when I am feeling unmoved.

One of my career aspirations is to instill this emotion in people as often as I can. I want to get people to keep on moving and not be so darn lazy. I want to see my readers and the public pursue their passion and be excited about their lives. And I want it to be constant. Not just a one-time thing to have this fleeting moment of inspiration, but something that can last the whole day, the next few days, the next, or perhaps the month or year. I want to find a fool-proof of getting others engaged and be happy with who they are. This wonderful feeling, for those of you who have felt it, is an amazing experience and I want it to last forever.

The Force Is Strong…

Okay, here’s the update in regards to me giving up porn for Lent. It’s been 27 days now and I have 19 days left I think. Let me begin by saying that although I verbally said I was giving up porn, I decided to give up on any form of sexual release as an added challenge, meaning no masturbation or orgasm. I wanted to see what my body could handle and how it felt mentally with the adaptation.

The first three weeks was surprisingly easy. I did not have any urges at all and I thought the challenge was going to be quite a breeze. These last few days however has been torture…to say the least. I found myself almost giving in to temptation consistently. There are so many attractive people around and I long for a connection to happen that would lead to an exciting scenario in the bedroom. But alas, I forced myself to change mindset as soon as I have stimulating thoughts. It’s still been a challenge this week but slowly I have been able to get my mind back on track to what it was like for the first three weeks.

I definitely feel like porn is not the challenge at all. I can probably live my life without having to see another video just because its so easily accessible. I would say that not being able to free myself of urges is the toughest thing to handle since it is such a natural thing for men and women to do. We live in a very sexually invigorated society and I think its extremely healthy for people to explore their sexuality in any means they prefer. But to withhold that desire can be really challenging for many and I am surprised at myself for being able to go through with this. There has been close-calls where I did end up engaged in sexual acts but ended up leaving before I lost my challenge, so to speak.

With about three weeks left, I do find myself thinking it’ll be the longest three weeks of my life. It’s funny because during week 3, I thought about pushing my limit to 80 days and even though I know I could do it, would I? I’m interested to see how I would reap the benefits only because I do feel that because I started watching porn at a young age, it really has affected my ability to connect in the bedroom. I’m intrigued to see if things would become more exciting after that length in time or if it will remain the same as ever before.

Nonetheless, I think this challenge has been very eye opening and I encourage everyone to be comfortable speaking freely about their life. There are so many taboo things in this world and things that are not discussed that it’s hard for many to open up about themselves. Luckily for me, throughout the past few years, I’ve been on a journey of self-discovery and talking about my feelings, my thoughts, my negative and positive qualities, and just being a human has encouraged me to convince others to talk freely as well. So speak up and say what your challenges are in your life and how are you trying to improve yourself!

Why Do I Feel the Need to Improve Myself

My friends say I am a machine. They always see me moving around and partaking in a wide range of activities and never around to hang out with them. I would wake up at 5 AM in the morning nearly every single day and not get back to my apartment until 11 PM, due to social activities or a conflict with my 3 jobs. This leaves little room to hang out with them and bond with people. I think to myself whether I am hurting myself by constantly being on the go and not having the time for myself to relax. In the course of this article, I describe the various ways I have been pushing myself to the limit and still be able to live.

It feels like I am on this quest to seek improvements every single waking hour of my life. I find myself getting to the point of being really tired but not yet hitting the breaking point. Ironically, all of the habits that I’ve been incorporating into my life are supposed to be beneficial but because they are being implemented fast, it’s causing me to take a step back to see whether there is something wrong with me at all. I want to understand what the motives behind my desires to make these changes are. Is it fear? Is it a desire for constant change? Am I just bored with life? What is it that is causing me to reflect on my life and say, “Anh, you have to do more of this. And you need to do that to be a better person.” Or in the end, could it simply be, I am just living a life where I am learning to be open-minded to new opportunities and experiences.

For the past few months I have been putting enormous amount of pressure on myself. Before September of 2014, I was working one job, from 9AM to 6PM and had a reasonably good social life. But today, March 16, 2014, I now have 3 jobs, just completed a marathon, running a Meetup group, still playing dodgeball, and seeking to write an E-book and make rock climbing a routine habit and pursuing my teaching credential by going to school. In addition, I want to do P90X now that marathon training has been completed. Am I overwhelming myself or you yet?

To give an example of my schedule, I wake up at 5 AM every morning. I set aside 5 minutes to meditate after I wake up. I jump into the shower and turn the knob to the coldest setting possible, because I read on the internet that there are health benefits to cold showers and that we should learn to adjust to them. After the shower, I proceed to write in a daily journal I have that holds my personal development progress in life, modeled after a book I’ve been reading. I am on day 172 of 365. I write out my To-Do List and if it’s Monday and Friday, I’m out the door by 7 AM, to head to my elementary school where I have to shadow a kindergarten teacher until 1PM. Did I mention that I am trying to earn my teaching credential by December of 2014, while working 3 jobs. After 1 PM I head to work at the Queen Latifah office until 5-6PM. Afterwards, if its a Friday night, I bus tables in Culver City until 11PM at night and then go home to bed, only to wake up at 5AM the next morning to seek ways to improve myself. This either means putting focus in my Meetup group, Creative Gay Athletes & Friends of LA, or doing activities I enjoy in solitude. On the other weekday nights, I have social activities in place of my busboy job, such as dodgeball and so most of my schedule is taken up.

I fear that my social life is taking a hit from all of these endeavors. My group of dodgeball friends are people I seldom see anymore because our schedules do not connect, except on dodgeball nights. I had to turn down a friend’s invitation to go see a midnight screening of Divergent, because of my responsibility to work the next day. I feel like although my friendships with them is not entirely diminishing, I fear there is a lack of motivation on their end to hang out with me, only to expect me putting them on the back burner. But what do I do to make ends meet and not have to give up my aspirations to achieve my goals and objectives? What do I need to sacrifice and what are my motivations in pursuing the habits that bystanders could say are crazy.

In regards to my three jobs, I reason that I need them to be able to ease my financial concerns. I am always conscious about not having enough money to build an emergency fund or to pay off my credit card debt. I am frantic that I have not started investing much money in a Roth IRA, when I am still 27, something that I learned everyone should do at a early age. By working the three jobs, it allows me to put money aside to do all of these things, as well as earn some money on the side to have for myself. This in itself takes up the bulk of my schedule and causes much conflict in hanging out it.
Habit wise, I decided to seek meditation, cold showers, waking up at 5AM because all three are fundamentally strong habits to pursue. Meditation relaxes me and clears my mind for the upcoming day. Cold showers, I have read in studies, helps to jump-start your day and provide a level of energy that you may never see before and 5AM allows me to have the flexibility to get more done in the day.

And lastly this leaves my physical activities and social interests. I partake in dodgeball two nights a week because that is my social outlet and my main interest in athletics. The game is addicting for me and the interactions I have with my peers are fundamental to my life. I created a Meetup group called CGAFLA (Creative Gay Athletes Friends of LA) to seek out other like-minded individuals who like to be creative and to give me distance from my dodgeball friends also. And now that marathon training is over, my physical need will be taken up by P90X and rock climbing, to improve my fitness.

Before concluding, let me put out the disclaimer that I am not seeking compliments in regards to my schedule. To be honest, I’m currently sitting in a coffee shop with two other members of CGAF and we’re engaged in a 45 minute, non-stop writing session on our laptops and this was the topic that came to my mind under the time constraint. But it has been quite enlightening to read what I wrote because in retrospect, I don’t feel like there is anything wrong with my life or focus on personal development. Yes, I am busy. Yes, I am always seeking scientific research and habits that will improve my day-to-day life. Yes, I am always on the go but in the end, this is who I am and I am happy and content with what I have. I love the life that I am living and I am not stopping it anytime soon.

After sharing my writing with my colleagues, they asked me something interesting:

*Why am I asking myself this question. The thing is…I don’t know why. I tried to explain it verbally to them but it was not very clear. I’m content with the way I live so if I’m content, why bring it out in a blog posting in the first place. Is it an attention seeking post or to humblebrag? Or is it a way to address friends that I am aware that I haven’t been around as much? After re-reading, I’m still pondering about this question so if you guys have any ideas why I may be sharing, please let me know and perhaps I can get a better understanding of how my mind works.

I Prayed Today

I would consider myself more of a spiritual individual than a man of religion. Growing up, my parents, stemming from a Vietnamese household, seemed to be more focused on Confucian teachings rather than Buddhist ones. Granted, there were times that we would go to temples annually and we prayed to various deities and had shrines in our home, I, however, never felt the pressure to conform to the religion. I had the freedom to believe in anything that I chose and that has made me into a very diverse individual and I believe, accepting one.

I’ve been interested in the Christian faith for a while now. Is it ironic that I know more about the Christian religion than I do about the Buddhist one. I think the media exposed me so much to the various epics such as Noah’s Ark, Adam & Eve, Moses, etc. Unfortunately, my conception of Christianity as one that ostracizes certain groups of individuals has made me a bit more hesitant to join, but at the beginning of this year, someone left a Bible on my work desk (someone who knew I’ve been wanting to get a Bible for quite some time) and I’m hoping to read it sometime over the course of the year.

But back to my initial posting. Today, I prayed. I prayed to both God and Buddha, because to me, they are one. I do believe there is a higher being and I wanted them to know my thoughts this morning. I wanted to thank them for the tremendous gift that they have given me; the gift of Life. I have learned throughout 2013 about something called gratitude and I have never realized how much I took my life for granted. There are so many things in this life of mine that I am grateful and it is because of them as well as my own personal actions that I have been able to live the life I choose. They have provided me with so many opportunities to excel and I am eternally grateful for it.

I find it cliche but in my prayers, I couldn’t help but compare my life to those who are less fortunate. I told God and Buddha the reasons why I am grateful; that I have a home. The fact I am able to type this post on my computer. My friends and family. And at the same time, I kept at the back of my mind, my respect for those on this planet who do not have those things and I couldn’t help but feel a little bit sad. It allowed me to really focus on myself as a human being and made me reorganize my priorities.

If you are feeling sad and disappointed (which ironically I did late last night), take a moment to pray and re-evaluate your life. Really think about what you have been given, and it’s just amazing to see what you can come up with. I prayed like 15 minutes ago and throughout this post, I have been smiling, sent a text to a friend saying I love them, and just feeling very happy overall. Have an amazing day friends.